Separation is one of the most challenging transitions a family can experience. For parents, it can be emotionally overwhelming, legally complex, and deeply personal. For children, it can be confusing, unsettling, and at times frightening—especially when conflict between parents continues long after the relationship has ended. At Kannen Mediation, we believe that children should never be invisible in this process. That is why we are pleased to now offer Child Consultation services for child inclusive mediations, strengthening our commitment to best-practice, child-centred family dispute resolution.
This service reflects both current research and professional standards in family mediation. It recognises that while parents make decisions, children live with the consequences of those decisions every day.
Child-Focused Mediation: The Minimum Standard
In family mediation, child-focused mediation is widely regarded as the minimum standard that all mediations should meet. Child-focused mediation requires parents to actively consider:
- The best interests of their children
- The children’s developmental needs
- The importance of children having meaningful relationships with both parents
- The emotional impact of parental conflict
Importantly, research consistently shows that it is not separation itself that harms children, but ongoing exposure to parental conflict. When children are repeatedly drawn into adult disputes—whether directly or indirectly—it can affect their emotional security, behaviour, and long-term wellbeing.
Child-focused mediation helps parents step back from entrenched positions and refocus on a shared goal: supporting their children through change. The mediation process encourages parents to reflect on how their communication, behaviour, and decision-making affect their children, even when emotions between parents remain raw.
Moving Beyond Child-Focused to Child Inclusive Mediation
While child-focused mediation keeps children’s needs front of mind, child inclusive mediation takes this one step further and is widely regarded as the gold standard in family mediation practice.
Child inclusive mediation involves the participation of a trained child consultant who meets with the children separately from the parents. This is not about placing decision-making responsibility on children, nor about asking them to “choose” between parents. Instead, it is about understanding the child’s experience of separation in a safe, age-appropriate, and respectful way.
At Kannen Mediation, child inclusive practice is designed to ensure that children’s voices are thoughtfully and professionally integrated into a family mediation process—without burdening them with adult responsibility.
What Is a Child Consultation?
A child consultation is an assessment process conducted by a trained child consultant. The purpose is to understand:
- How the child is coping with the separation
- What concerns, worries, or stresses they may be experiencing
- What helps them feel safe, secure, and supported
- What they need from their parents now and into the future
The consultation is usually conducted in a private, child-friendly space designed to help children feel comfortable and at ease. The session is generally conversational rather than clinical, and the consultant adapts their approach to the child’s age, developmental stage, and personality.
Age-appropriate methods may include:
- Drawing pictures
- Telling stories
- Play-based conversation
- Open discussion about feelings, routines, and relationships
There is no pressure on children to talk about anything they are not comfortable sharing. The consultant’s role is to listen, observe, and understand—not to interrogate or assess “right” or “wrong”.
What the Child Consultant Does—and Does Not Do
It is important to clarify the role of the child consultant. While child consultants typically have backgrounds in social sciences, social work, psychology, or related disciplines, they are not providing counselling or therapy.
The child consultant:
- Listens to the child’s perspective
- Seeks to understand the child’s lived experience
- Identifies themes relevant to the child’s emotional safety and wellbeing
- Provides feedback that informs parental decision-making
The child consultant does not:
- Diagnose mental health conditions
- Provide ongoing therapy or counselling
- Ask children to make decisions about living arrangements
- Advocate for one parent over the other
Their role is neutral, child-centred, and firmly grounded in the mediation process.
Feeding Back to Parents: A Powerful Shift in Perspective
After meeting with the children, the child consultant then meets with the parents and the mediator to provide structured feedback. This feedback is not a verbatim report of what the child said, nor is it a disclosure of confidential details that could place the child under pressure.
Instead, the feedback focuses on:
- What the children need emotionally
- What is helping them cope
- What may be causing stress or uncertainty
- How parental behaviours and communication are affecting them
For many parents, this moment is transformative. Hearing their child’s experience reframed through a professional, neutral lens often helps parents move away from conflict-driven thinking and toward cooperative, child-focused solutions. For ongoing support post mediation, we also offer parenting coordination to help keep you on track.
Benefits for Parents and Children
For parents, child inclusive mediation can:
- Reduce conflict and defensiveness
- Improve insight into children’s needs
- Support more durable and workable parenting arrangements
- Encourage respectful communication and shared responsibility
For children, it can:
- Help them feel heard and acknowledged
- Reduce feelings of helplessness or invisibility
- Support emotional safety during a time of change
- Reinforce that their parents are making decisions with their wellbeing in mind
Children often carry unspoken worries during separation. Having a safe space where they can express themselves—without having to protect a parent’s feelings—can be profoundly reassuring.
Child Consultation Services at Kannen Mediation
Kannen Mediation now offers Child Consultation services as part of our commitment to high-quality, ethical, and child-centred family dispute resolution. These services are available for:
- Our own child inclusive family mediations
- Other Family Dispute Resolution Practitioners (FDRPs) who require a child consultant for their clients’ FDR matters
We work collaboratively, professionally, and with a strong focus on safety, neutrality, and best practice.
Taking the Next Step
If you are a parent navigating separation, or a professional supporting families through family dispute resolution, child inclusive mediation may offer a meaningful way forward. By shifting the focus from parental conflict to children’s lived experiences, families can create arrangements that are not only workable—but truly supportive. Contact Kannen Mediation to discuss whether child consultation or child inclusive mediation is appropriate for your matter, or to enquire about engaging one of our child consultants for an existing FDR process.
