Yes – you can mediate with a narcissist. Everybody has a ‘currency’ and narcissists are no different. When mediating with a narcissist it is important to focus on structure, boundaries, and enforceable agreements. You cannot expect mutual empathy or genuine compromise from a narcissist.
That is not to say that mediating with a narcissist is easy.
The difficulties dealing with a narcissist are:
- They often lack genuine empathy
- They twist facts, gaslight, or play the victim
- They will sometimes agree to something in mediation and then sabotage the agreement later
- They want to “win” rather than resolve and will often aim to win at any cost
The good news is – here’s how it CAN WORK!
- Use a skilled mediator who knows how to manage high-conflict personalities
- A good mediator will make sure that the agreements are clear, detailed, and enforceable, leaving little to no room for manipulation
- A great mediator will make sure the narcissist sees a benefit in settling (e.g., avoiding court, saving face or getting something they want)
Key strategies
When mediating with a narcissist you should always:
- Choose a mediator with experience in high-conflict personalities
- Stay factual and calm – DO NOT engage emotionally
- Do not expect validation – always focus on outcomes, not emotional closure
- Have everything in writing – vague agreements will be exploited
Contact Kelly at Kannen Mediation to discuss your mediation needs
